Blogging for Wellbeing: Advent 2012 Part 2

December 13th - What does Peace mean to you?
People
Everywhere
Accepting and
Celebrating
Everyone

December 14th - Winter Warmth
Honestly, the warmth I find in the winter comes as layers of blankets and stretchy, comfy pants.  And any time of year, the place where I feel most safe is in my therapist's office.  There's something warm and safe in the cozy space she's created.  At this moment though?  Contentness, warmth, and all that?  It comes from snuggling with my pup.

December 15th - Do you believe in Miracles?
Wow.  I want to believe in miracles, I really do.  And sometimes, I think I do believe.  Then a huge tragedy comes along and rocks my world, as well as the nations, and I question.  I think that more than miracles, I believe in fate.  I believe in karma.  I believe that sometimes things fall into place and we might never know why.

December 16th - Surviving the Holidays
It's such a chaos filled time of the year, that sometimes it feels even more challenging to navigate than usual.  A tool I may be able to use on any other day is often forgotten amidst the holiday chaos.  One thing that I really try hard to maintain is my quiet evening time.  I need the alone time at the end of the day to unwind and decompress.  If I can give myself that time in the morning to prepare for the day, and to unwind at the end, I'm going to better be able to handle the holiday!

December 17th - You and Santa - Share the memories, good and bad
Me and the big guy don't have much of a history, so I'm taking a pass on this one.

December 18th - The School Christmas Play
Being a product of public schools, we never had a "Christmas" play, instead we had a "Holiday Concert" as it was more politically correct.  To tell you the truth, I was always a little uncomfortable at the concert.  Every grade learned different songs, and the parents all came.... I felt very out of place, as we only sang one Hanukkah song, and the rest of the festivities?  They just didn't fit in the life of a Jewish kid.

December 19th - Self Care during the holiday season
Considering I have a tough time with self-care all year round?  Yeah, this time of year it's that much worse.  I think that the biggest thing I can do to take care of myself, especially this time of year, is to try and be kind to myself.  Which in itself is no easy task.

December 20th - Share the Love!
Sharing the love is something I love to do!  I love seeing people smile, and if I can provide them with a reason to smile, that's the best gift I can give!  Reminds me of that saying, what costs nothing, but means the world to people; what can you give away, and never run out of?  The answer?  Hugs, of course!  To me, nothing says I love you like a warm hug from a good friend.

December 21st - What do your friends mean to you?
My friends... I love them more than they will probably ever know, if only because I do have a hard time expressing myself!  My friends might be few, but they are gifts, each of them.

December 22nd - Where is your inner child?
My inner child is stuck somewhere in the 1980's.... and she's trying to make herself heard these days!  As a kid, I did love playing in the snow, making snow forts and snow angels... I loved the lights of the menorah, and playing the dreidle game.... getting together with cousins and aunts and uncles....

December 23rd - Holiday Traditions...
...don't really exist in my world.  At least not yet.  One day, when I have my own family, we will have our own traditions.

December 24th - On the eve of....
I feel like every night is the eve of the rest of my life.  Every day, I hope that tomorrow will be better.  I hope, that after enough tomorrows, I really will be on the eve of the rest of my life, and it will be a great life....

Blogging for Wellbeing: Advent 2012 Part 1

December 1st - Countdown!
For many, December 1st begins the formal countdown to Christmas.  For those that don't celebrate Christmas, it means something different.  To me as an educator, December 1st is definitely a count down.... the count down to our December break!

December 2nd - Holiday Cards
For many years, I had the best of intention to send holiday cards to those I care about.  Every year I bought adorable cards and made my list.  And every year I was met with disappointment, as no amount of intention helped me complete the task.  Now, instead of setting myself up for failure in sending holiday cards, I send notes to friends whenever the moment strikes - whether it's a funny card I see in the store, or I'm just thinking of them.

December 3rd - What does Winter/December mean to you?

To me, December means winter is near.  Winter being near means I have a much more palatable excuse for staying in.  Winter means I'm going to have to fight a lot harder to do the things that generally take little effort, as the darkness is hard for me.  December means we're readying to say farewell to another year.... whatever that means....

December 4th - How do you experience time in this season?

I don't know what it is about time, but when I want it to pass quickly, it drags on for ages, and when I want it to slow down, it flies by.  This season is no different.  Take school break, for example.  The countdown to the break takes for ever!  However, once break arrives?  Yup.  It flies by.

December 5th - The holiday shopping experience...
.... is so not something I enjoy.  There was a time, way back when, that I actually enjoyed the hustle and bustle of the shopping adventure.  Now?  I much prefer two types of shopping.  One, shopping in small, local stores, and two.... shopping in small, local stores, from the comfort of my couch.  As long as I give myself proper time to shop, finding the just right gifts isn't as challenging as it once was.

December 6th - Dear Santa
When I was a kid, my parents always traveled during Christmas.  It wasn't a big deal to me, as we celebrated Chanukah.  I particularly enjoyed their travels when they left us with a babysitter that DID celebrate Christmas.  Cause then, my parents left us little stockings and we had a little extra fun!

December 7th - Wrapping things up!

Oh boy.  This is a loaded one.  I am wrapped up and surrounded by my own inner chaos.  I tend to give away my power rather swiftly, and then get a headache trying to retrieve it.  Giving is great, and I love to do so.  Getting?  Next topic?

December 8th - The miracle of light!
Chanukah oh Chanukah... I love the dance of the lights of the menorah.  The story of Chanukah is one of my favorites, as well.  The festival of lights is a story of hope.  I am so thankful for my team, for they help me stay grounded so I am able to accept the light my students bring to my world.

December 9th - Do you believe?

I *think* so.  I mean, something has to make the seasons change, and the sun rise, something more than scientific descriptions.  Do I believe in my students?  Absolutely.  Each and every one of them has the potential to change the world.  Do I believe in me?  Not exactly.... but I do believe my team, and they believe in me....

December 10th - Family....
Family is what you make it.  My family.... they broke the mold, that's for sure.  I know that people often say that if we were to put all our cards out on the table, and had the chance to choose someone else's cards, we'd still choose our own, because they are what we know.  I'm not sure what I think about that.

December 11th - Finding light through the darkness...
Truthfully, this is a very dark time of year for me.  I rely on the light that comes from my team to lead me through the darkness.  I rely on the light from my students to brighten my world during the dark of winter.  Oh, and I rely on snow days for the unscheduled relief they bring!

December 12th - Looking inward
The light in my heart shines today because there are people in my world that remind me of my purpose.... that remind me that I do matter.... that I do make a difference.... they reflect to me the light that I can not see, similar to the way the moon reflects the light of the sun.  Inside me, they see something that I can't yet see, instead I follow their light, holding on to the hope that one day, I'll find my own.

Challenge 18: Lauren Lemon

This is the last image challenge of the year in the Blogging for Wellbeing project, and it ends with another fab photographer!

Image by Lauren Lemon

Lauren Lemon's photos capture moments, snapshots of moments, peeks into moments.... I wouldn't say the are mundane, cause her photos are anything but, yet..... at the same time they're not out-of-the-ordinary either.  Her unique eye is thought provoking yet grounded, whimsical yet simple.

There were a few that I liked, but this image, loosely titled Meanwhile in California, reminds me exactly that, of my days in California.  I have a great friend who lives there, and I love any chance I get to head to the coast.  Lounging on the beach or by the pool, soaking up the salt filled air and burning the image of a California sunset into my brain....  It's one of the most relaxing places I know to visit!

As I'm typing this post, I'm sitting in the exact position as in the image.  Except I'm on my couch.  And there isn't a beautiful sunset on the beach in front of me.  And I'm not filled with sunny feelings that the beach usually brings.  But I can dream....

Challenge 17: Radu Voinea

Image courtesy of Radu Voinea

This week's Image Inspiration comes from photographer Radu Voinea.  As I've done for the last few weeks.... I've sought out images that are striking to me, and this one really hit well as it speaks to the season, which is one of my favorites.

I want to step into my monitor, and right into this scene.  My nostrils dance with the cripsness of the autumn air.  My ears are serenaded by the crisp crunch of the fallen leaves.  My feet almost glide over the slippery texture of the moist, fallen leaves.  The fall mist that is sprinkling washes the day away....

I want a good book, a waterproof cushion, and a thermos of warm cider as I sit on a bench, under my red umbrella, enjoying the best that autumn has to offer.

P.S.  I just saw that this is my 222 post!  You know how I love numbers, so I couldn't resist marking this milestone in my blogging world!

Challenge 16, Part 3

Image by Murat Suyur

I like the whimsy of this image.  Tasty white chocolate mixed with technology of my favorite kind.  Nothing too fancy, just pure fun, if you ask me.  Two things I prefer to not have to live without: technology and chocolate (though I prefer dark chocolate!)

One thing I have to say about these recent Blogging for Wellbeing Challenges is that I have been exposed to artists that I'd not have otherwise met.  Bonus!

Challenge 16, Part 2

Image by Murat Suyur

Another intriguing photo that literally jumped off the screen and into my mind.  I'm often drawn to the light bulb concept in general.  I love how the light bulb has transformed the world, literally and figuratively.

For example, without the light bulb, we'd be living with candle light for always.  Obvious, yes, but less obvious is that many say the light bulb is the invention that revolutionized the world.

Which is the less obvious reason that it sticks with me so strongly.  The light bulb represents ideas, ideas of all kinds.  It also represents thinking.  This image, complete with the "old" light in the candle flame, and the "new" light of the bulb, may in essence be two different things, but in reality, it's connecting ideas from past and present, in a way that I hadn't seen before.  In other words, it's shedding light on today while paying homage to the past.

What's this got to do with anything, you ask?  Well, I'm in the process of opening the doors of my past, visiting old pains and hurts, and attempting to make peace in an effort to move forward a little lighter (pun intended!)  No easy task, excruciating, at times.  Then again, being burned by a candle is painful, and it was not easy to invent the light bulb, either...

Challenge 16, Part 1: Murat Suyur

Image by Murat Suyur

This week's Image Inspiration comes from photographer Murat Suyur, another multifaceted artist.  I chose this piece to start with because I'm a big baseball fan, and I found myself drawn to the image. 

On the one hand, balloons are a childhood whimsy, fun, light, and full of laughter.  On the other hand, a baseball is hard, fast, and sometimes, if hit the wrong way, it really stings.

Putting the two together creates a mental tug-of-war in my brain (nothing new, actually!) that leaves me wondering....

What's that?  You too are left wondering?

Challenge 15: Image Inspiration

Images by Elena Kalis

I was finally stumped this week.  All week I've been looking at the images for this week's challenge, and every single time I found myself irritated and annoyed with the artist.  I went to the artist's website, Googled other images by the artist, and had the same reaction every single time.

This has led me to realize that there is still way too much going on behind the scenes of my brain (commonly referred to the unconscious) that I am not aware of.  However, I wanted to mark this challenge in the blog activity, because I hope that one day, I can come back to this challenge and view these same images through a different lens.  I hope that I can see them in a way that doesn't create the irritation that I see when I look at them now.  I try to keep an open mind in all areas of my life, but in this case, well, maybe another time.

Challenge 14, Part 2: A Swing and A Bear

Photo by Andre Arment

When we are children we seldom think of the future.  

This innocence leaves us free to enjoy ourselves as few adults can.  

The day we fret about the future is the day we leave our childhood behind. 

--Patrick Rothfuss--

Challenge 14, Part 1: Staircase

Photo by Andre Arment

I like this new twist on the Blogging for Wellbeing Project!  The photos are so cool!  That, and I'm meeting photographers and artists I've never met before.

This picture stood out to me from all the rest of them, partially because I'm drawn to the warmth and richness of the wood, and partially because it reminds me of one of my favorite artists, M.C. Escher, who creates these incredible optical illusions.

Then there's the heart of the image...... where this child, in red, stands.  Alone.  On the stairs.  Maybe waiting?  Maybe hesitating?  It reminds me of when I was a child, waiting for mom and dad to come home, and how I'd sneak out of my bedroom and wait at the top of the stairs until I heard the garage open, and then I'd tiptoe back to my room and go to bed.  I always had to wait to make sure they got home safely before I could fall asleep.

Yet, somehow this image makes me smile.  Maybe it's because the warmth of the wood reminds me of my years in the horse world.  Maybe it's because sometimes, despite the challenges of my past, there are some memories that feel good when they come up.  For whatever reason, I needed to know my parents were home safe and sound before I could go to sleep.  Looking back now, I think it was kind of cute, actually, and cute usually makes me smile!

Challenge 13, Part 3: Shelter

Image by Julie De Waroquier

This week's blog challenge offered several different images from which we could choose, and then share our interpretation of the image.  It's been interesting for me to read about everyone's different perspective on the images! The photographer was completely new to me, and I've become quite taken with several of her pieces.  If you haven't heard of Julie De Waroquier, I encourage you to take a peek at this French photographer's site.

The image above is called Shelter, and it is probably my second favorite to the tree image.  I found myself often taking shelter from the world in the pages of a book.  To this day, I still find shelter within the pages of books (well, books unrelated to work!) as it is so comforting to get lost in a world where you know everything is already taken care of, and all you have to do is sit back and enjoy the ride.

There is something safe about taking shelter in a book, about how it protects my mind from my own intrusive thoughts, at least while I'm within the pages of the story.  Something about how my world is calmer, as I'm lost in the story, instead of lost in my real, somewhat frightening world.  One can take the literal term for shelter from this image, but one can also take that figurative route, and be distracted by the comfort and security within another's words, instead of the tragic and traumatic words of our on minds......

Challenge 13, Part 2: Butterfly

Image by Julie D Waroquier

I love this picture..... the innocence, the softness, the possibility..... reminds me of the innocence of childhood.  Staring out the front window, watching the wind blow through the trees, waiting for dad to get home from work.  Wishing.... hoping....

I noticed, too, the somewhat "old fashioned" tone to the image.  The jumper the child is wearing, the shoes, they are all reminiscent of a time so far away.... when things were simpler.  When kids played in the yard with boxes and sticks, and their imagination took them places that kids today will never visit.  When family dinners were a daily event, and conversation took place face to face, instead of screen to screen.

Innocence.... possibility..... hope..... hope that the children of the future will be able to enjoy.....

Challenge 13, Part 1: Artwork Inspiration

Image by Julie D Waroquier

At first glance, this image took my breath away.  At second glance, and third glance, and every glance, it continues to do so.  It so much reminds me of my childhood, the happy place I used to escape to, both literally and figuratively.

I was, and am, a reader.  I think I was born a reader, learning to read early, and never stopping once I started.  To this day, I don't like to read a book during the work week, because I tend to pick up a book and finish it in one sitting, which means that starting a new book on a work night leaves me little time to sleep!

When I was 10, we moved into the house where my parents still live, and in the front yard was a wonderfully magical tree.  I loved that tree.  I spent a good portion of my life in that house up in the tree.  I'd pack my pockets with snacks and books, and could easily spend an entire day, perched comfortably in my well worn spot on the third branch to the right, and just read.

I'd get lost in the books, but more than that, the tree was my escape.  In the spring and summer, when the leaves were full, I could literally escape the glances of my family, the arguments, the annoyances, and be hidden in the foliage, safely tucked away with favorite friends as I ventured into their fictitious worlds.... oh how I loved that tree...

Challenge 12, Part 3: EMBRACE

This background for this quote was taking at an incredible 5K event.  I've never run a 5K, but after being there, my goal is to complete that same event next year. 

Yeah, um.  I'm so not there yet.  My body might be the most amazing thing that I'll ever own, but more often than not, I don't feel like I "own" it, instead, I feel like my body "owns" me.  I mean, I have to deal with all the aches and pains that come from years of mistreatment.  I have to deal with the allergies, the sensitivities, the maintenance, all the stuff that isn't fun.

And all the while I really do try to remind myself that my body is a gift, and that others would be grateful to be in this vessel.

Truthfully, as much as I don't like my body, I really am grateful for it.  Even though there are bodies out there that I'd much prefer, I could have ended up with a body much worse off than the one I'm in.

How does this all fit in the "embrace" genre?  Well, I have fully embraced the idea that this body is mine, for the rest of my life.  Though right now I'm not fond of it, I'm reminded pretty regularly by my team that I'm actually doing a pretty good job taking care of not only my body, but of my mind, too.  I never thought I'd embrace therapy and this taking-care-of-me crap, but it turns out, while I was resisting the concept of self-care, I was actually doing exactly that - taking care of my self.

Funny how things work sometimes......

Challenge 12, Part 2: EMBRACE

I find this to be a VERY interesting concept.  Embracing pain?  Really?  Like those sharp, shooting pains that run down my right leg?  Or the dull ache that constantly resides in my right shoulder?  You seriously want me to embrace it?  Really?  You must be joking.

I can think of lots of other things I'd prefer to embrace.  Like a friend.  Or a puppy.  Or a pony.  Or a pillow.  But pain?  No thanks.

BUT.  If I do choose to embrace that pain, and it does indeed become fuel for this journeycalledlife, then maybe it is worth a go?

As one of those people who believes everything happens for a reason, I guess there IS a reason for pain, and maybe that reason is that it IS what provides fuel for this journeycalledlife that we are all on.  I guess that would give a little more positive purpose to the pain that placates me persistently.

Definitely something to munch on for a while......

Challenge 12, Part 1: EMBRACE

I love this quote.  I found it somewhere, likely on pinterest, and it fits beautifully into this week's topic.  So often I shy away from myself, and even more so, from what could be considered "beautiful" about me.  I kind of like being different, but in the past, I've always seen it as a negative thing.  Like, I'm the one who is always sick.  I'm the one who is always having an allergic reaction to the smallest things.  I'm the one who brakes out in hives at the thought of eating specific foods.  I'm the one who likes a quiet night in, instead of a busy night out.  I'm different.  I just never thought that my differences could be worth embracing..... my "you"ness would be worth value to this world.....

It's nice to start thinking about the possibilities out there.... that maybe one day my differences won't make me feel bad about myself, instead, they'll be something I embrace as me and who I am.  And eventually, I might even find a way to be proud of those differences.... baby steps.... baby steps....

The Perks of Being a Wallflower

This is the story of our narrator, Charlie, and his freshman year of high school.  He is a true wallflower in every sense of the word.  Reminded me of the post secret postcard about shy people - how they notice everything but never get noticed themselves.  That's Charlie.  That's me.

I'm not sure if it was a good idea for me to read this book.  But I did.  Someone did warn me about it, but I don't remember who, or why.  The book was really captivating, and I think I liked it, but I don't want to see the movie, at least not yet.  The story completely wrecked me.  That's all I have to say about it for now.

Challenge 11, Part 5: YOU

I got an email the other day.  That email contained my biggest nemesis: a compliment.  Not just a little compliment, a big, huge, super meaningful compliment.  It hit closer to home than any compliment I've ever gotten.  Especially since it came from an eight-year old.

I should be happy. This child, in a conversation that was shared with me, paid me the biggest compliment I could ever hope for as a teacher.  This compliment spoke directly to my philosophy as an educator: I teach kids.  I teach kids, not math.  I teach kids, not science.  I teach kids, not reading.  I teach kids, not writing.

Yes, I teach kids to do all of the above.  But I teach the KIDS.  It's up to them to learn the subjects.  My goal is to inspire them to want to do so.  My goal is to motivate them to ask questions about math, about reading, and about writing.  I want them to take their learning into their hands.  Yes, I am the teacher, but I can't learn for my students.

Instead, I find myself learning from them.  And from this little one?  I learned that somehow, among all the chaos in my life at the moment, I'm doing something right.  I learned that even when I don't want to get out of bed, much less get dressed and leave the house, once I'm in my classroom, the teacher comes out and good things happen. Things that make an eight year old say "My teacher makes me feel confident in myself.  She gets me." 

I just wish I knew what it was that I do...... 

Challenge 11, Part 4: YOU

OK.  I know I've been in very much a downer of a mood.  Yeah, I'm still stuck in that space, but I just cause I'm stuck doesn't mean I need to depress everyone else.  Which is why I picked this quote for the last of the week's prompt.

I'm kinda short.  I have been referred to as "vertically challenged" at times, but after reading this quote, I'm going to stick with "concentrated awesome" instead.  Good things also tend to come in small packages.

It's even been said that things only grow until they are perfect.*  Some of us didn't take as long as others!  Well, I am far from perfect, that's for sure, but it's nice to smile once in a while, and that's what this post will hopefully do for you, and for me.....

* As I've stated before, perfect really only exists in the dictionary, or at least that's what I believe.  However, in this case, perfect for me means someone that is full of imperfections, too, because I know I sure am!

Challenge 11, Part 3: YOU

I saw this quote this afternoon and it really grabbed me.  I am one of those people full of weird, random facts.  I hide behind them as a way to protect others from seeing the real me - the somewhat shy, very insecure, afraid-to-be-happy, ashamed-of-her-body, girl who just wants to find someone to accept her for who she is.

But before that will ever happen, it means I need to accept myself for who I am.  Which is so f@#$%& difficult!  It's been the topic of therapy for weeks now, the fact that I'm clinging to childish wishes that will never be fulfilled unless I figure out how to fulfill them myself.  And until I let go of those wishes, I'll never be able to process what I didn't get, and move forward into a world full of things I did get, and I do have.

Once that happens?  Who knows, maybe the world will reveal a person who falls in love with the me I've been trying to hide.  That'd be kind of nice, dontcha think?