Or more likely, still.
I don't want to eat.
I've once again
conditioned hunger
out of my body.I, once again
can go all day without food.
This time, though
I don't feel like I'm doing it
on purpose
I'm just not hungry
at all.
I make myself eat
breakfast
lunch
snack
dinner
I just don't want to.
Eating is hard.
Too hard.
Too complicated.
Some live to eat
Some eat to live
I don't want to do either
And yet....
I eat.
I totally understand. I wish it was easy to recover. Some days I don't even want to. Thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteI wish it was easy, too. I know that easy isn't always worthwhile... sometimes I just wish the struggle wasn't so strong! Thanks for the comment!
DeleteThe healthy part of you knows what you need to do but that doesn't mean it's easy to dampen down the eating disorder. You have come so far and worked so hard - you can do this. Be kind to yourself in the process... one day, one hour at a time. <3
ReplyDeleteThank you for the reminders...... one day, one hour.... one meal....... Heading into the season of darkness is not going to be fun, that's for sure......
DeleteWhile I don't know what you're going through, I want you to know that you're being thought of.
ReplyDeleteI'm very sorry you're struggling.
Can you reach out to your therapist? Perhaps she'll be able to help dissect this with you.
Thank you for the thoughts, Amanda, I appreciate them....... my team is awesome, and there for me whenever I reach out. I just prefer not to reach out unless truly desperate!!
Delete