My eating disorder robbed me of a lot. Including the ability to enjoy food. I eat because I have to. Not because I want to. I know so many people who crave specific dishes, who love cooking and eating, who know how to savor a good meal. Not me. Eating is still a lot of work. It's a chore. Something that must get done each day, and in no way enjoyable. At least not yet.
I also think that I let my eating disorder have what little confidence I had. I hid behind it with a plethora of excuses for avoiding the "normal" life experiences that one has as they move through their teen years, their high school years, their college years....I'm trying to leave that behind me. To let go of the old behaviors. To move past the missed opportunities. To re-live the experiences that were skipped..... none of this is easy. But who said life was easy?
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