30 Day Recovery Challenge: Day 2

2. What part of your eating disorder is hardest for you to overcome or let go of right now?

This is a very good question... Cause at the moment, I am still really struggling with the idea of eating till full, stopping when full, and recognizing hunger and fullness themselves. Which I suck at. I am supposed to be slowly letting go of having to count and track all my calories in all that I eat.  I am scared to let that part go, partly because I need to have that target number to reach for each day, and partly because I'm terrified of going over that number cause while I know my weight hasn't shifted in nearly six months, I am afraid that if I eat over the total, I will immediately start to gain weight which terrifies me.

So, in a nutshell, I'm having a hard time letting go of the counting and tracking.  The fear in letting go of that element of control is that I'm afraid of gaining weight above where I am, since this is finally a healthy weight for my body, and where I want it to stay.

I do like the idea of letting go of counting as it would free up such brain space.... But I'm afraid of what could fill that space as the counting vacates....