30 Day Recovery Challenge: Day 1

1.  Where are you in your recovery right now? What are some goals you are working on to help you to move forward in your recovery?

I am pushing away from a recent relapse. It's been nearly six months of stability and consistency. My weight (a number which I still avoid, and do not know) has been stable and my intake has been relatively stable as well. I took a nose dive in the intake department a few weeks ago, as my life caught up with me. Stress from changes at work, combined with the winter doldrums and some unwelcome flashbacks nearly led me back into EDs arms.

Thankfully, my amazing team kept me from going too far down the dangerous path. The near-relapse lasted about a week, though the effects of the behavior returning has taken much longer to recover from. My body, after being starved and deprived for so long, is quite smart, and it knows when my intake goes down that it needs to hold on to whatever it can, and keep me as sedentary as possible. So it's taking one step at a time, one meal at a time, and I'm back on the path to recovered.

My biggest goal is to learn how to eat healthy and balanced meals. Currently I tend to lean heavily toward grains, and shy away from proteins. With my allergies, it is not an easy task, but my dietitian has been really helpful in showing me how to build balanced meals. I'm slowly, slowly getting there.

Additionally, I'm working very hard with my therapist to stop the self-hate. Talk about a daunting task! It is torture being in my head, and with her help, hopefully the self-hate will get shipped elsewhere.