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Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Challenge 5, Part 2: Body Workings


How would I like to feel about my body?  Me?  You're asking me?  Are you sure you want to know?

The truth is that I would like to stop hating my body. Cause I do. Like, a lot.

Physically, my body is odd.  Let's just say that while I "appear" normal at first glance, or even at second and third glance, my body looks anything but.  I suffer from two health issues that are basically untreatable.  For the most part, I keep them very well hidden, or at least I try to.  Very few people outside my health care team are actually even aware of these problems.  They are not life threatening, instead, I have to learn to live with them.  You'd think after 30 something years, I'd be used to those two things by now, but I'm not.  I hate them.  I hate them every single moment of every single day.  I know that the only way to get over this is to learn to accept my body as it is, and I hope one day I can, cause living like this?  Not so fun.

In terms of function, this is where the guilt kicks in.  As much as I despise my body, there are others that I'm sure would be envious... envious that I have two strong legs that take me where I want to go.... I mean, my body, overall, does function, for the most part, as it should.  In general terms, I am relatively healthy, too.  I don't need special devices to communicate or use the restroom.  I can walk unaided, drive, read, eat, smell, hear - my senses work well (though sometimes I think I lack common sense!)  I am, outwardly, able to function perfectly normally.  And for the most part, that is accurate. 

It all comes down, as usual, to perspective.  I have a twisted ideal of myself that, with help, is slowly becoming untwisted and unraveled in the best possible way...

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4 comments:

  1. CherylAugust 8, 2012 at 1:44 PM

    I know exactly what you mean. The frustrating thing is that it's so easy to see the things that are beautiful in someone else, but because we are so negative about ourselves anyway, that transfers onto our self-perception and makes us think we are disgusting, ugly, irredeemable. But it isn't true.

    There will always be things we don't like about ourselves. I bet even supermodels look in the mirror sometimes and scrunch their faces up at what they see. But it's about not letting that control you. And recognising that, even if you're 100% convinced about your perceived flaws, maybe, just maybe, you're being too hard on yourself.

    And I think you're beautiful, by the way.

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    1. UnknownAugust 8, 2012 at 9:55 PM

      You are too sweet Cheryl. You raise a good point about supermodels - brings me back to Earth a bit, as I am sure every single adult (or starting as an adolescent) has things they dislike about themselves, no matter how they appear on the outside. It's a hard balance, the healthy dose of humility mixed with self confidence is a balance I do not have one bit. Instead, like you observed, I have a full jar of negative self-perception. Baby steps, right? This jar will slowly become emptier, and be slowly filled with a the healthy balance that enables me to see who you do...? xoxo

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  2. UnknownAugust 12, 2012 at 9:59 AM

    I hate my body so much as well ! I know exactly how you feel and I hope you do learn to accept your body :)

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    1. UnknownAugust 12, 2012 at 11:19 AM

      I am sorry you can relate Alice, but appreciate your understanding! I wish there was a majick wand we could use, and with a flick of the wrist we'd both start loving and accepting our bodies, as would anyone else in our shoes! Thanks for reading and for commenting!

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So? What do you think?