At Any Cost

I've been *trying* to live a healthier life for 68 days.  I know that because I've numbered every day in my food log since starting this new commitment to myself. 
Since making this commitment....

• I've eaten more produce in the past 68 days than in the past 68 months.
• I've prepared more meals at home than ever before.
• I've eaten less processed foods.  (My dietitian may be rolling her eyes at this, but it is true!)
• I've run the dishwasher with more than just bowls and spoons.
• I've run the dishwasher more frequently.
• I've cut out some favorite foods because they make my body hurt.
• I've cheated on the foods that I'm supposed to avoid.
• I've paid the price for cheating, higher prices than ever before.
• I've begun to listen to my body.  
• I've begun treating my body with a little less hostility.

I've tried.
Oh, how I've tried.

I'm not where I wish to be.  Yet.  But I keep trying.
One day at a time, I will uncover the life that belongs to me,
that was lost amid the chaos of growing up, of an eating disorder,
of shattered self-esteem, and of fear-driven living.
And I will try to live my own life.
A healthy and peaceful one, at that.